Maya was a saver. She earned money babysitting for our neighbors, and saved all of it. She saved her Bat Mitzvah money, her birthday money, any money she was gifted or earned she saved. She had a local bank account but did all her banking online. She would often ask me to check her account balance on my computer, and we would play a game where I would transfer in or out pennies to round the amount up or down. It bothered her when I charged her a “fee” to make a deposit, but she loved it when I added a few cents to round up to the next dollar or ten dollars. Sometimes I wondered what the folks at the bank thought of this crazy guy transferring pennies from one online account to another.
It surprised me when Maya told me in late August that she was taking me for a balloon ride on my birthday. I knew nothing about it but she had done her research. She found the company online, called and made a reservation. All she needed was my credit card to pay the fee online, and then she asked me to transfer the money she owed me from her account to mine. She winced when she saw her balance drop, but paid it nonetheless.
Airborne
On the morning of my birthday we arrived in Middletown before sunrise. Maya had printed out balloon ride tickets and a parking permit even, and directions. On the way the women from the balloon company called Maya on her cell phone to confirm. Maya answered the phone and we heard her talking in the back seat. “We are on our way, just a few minutes away. Will be there on time” she said. Elise and I gave each other a proud, parental smile. Elise was invited too, but, as per Maya, Elise had to pay her own fare. Maya was treating me, not both of us!
September 5, 2015, Over Middletown
The balloon flight over the fields of Orange County was magical, as the morning sun rose we enjoyed the time together and the amazing views. Along with us was a mother and her two college age daughters. Twins. Both beautiful, but each very different in demeanor and appearance, in an archetypal way. One folky, one punky. One quieter, one louder. We spoke to them for a bit, about their colleges, and their lives, and we spoke to the mom too. They were getting ready to go back to school. I was feeling very sentimental that morning, enjoying this gift from Maya, and I was thinking about Maya as a college student, how amazing she would be, how proud I would be of her. Which would she be , the folky girl or the punky one? I could see her in either role, or both, happy to transform herself on a whim. I saw her coming back to be with us, as the twins did. I was so full of love and hope for her bright future ahead.
After the Ride, September 5, 2015
It was September 5, less than 30 days before her death. So much changed in that month. So much. I did not know that would be my last birthday with my Maya, and that a few days before, September 1, would be her last birthday. I did not know her sadness, even then, how well she hid it. Each time I see a college student in this college town, each time I do I think of Maya, her future that will not be. I am sure that wound will soften, but right now it is so deep, seeing what will not be, for my Maya. The last birthday, the last balloon ride, the last car ride, all the lasts…
Matthew, Not a day day goes by that I do not think of you, Elise, Adin, and Maya. And along with that comes the sometimes intense feelings that accompany those thoughts. The grief, the loss, the compassion, the infinite unknown. And often when I look at my own daughter I think of Maya, and wonder how a father deals with such a loss. And you reveal yourself in these writings and I am filled with a love and greater understanding of the human condition. All I can say is that I deeply understand your every word….
Thank you Mathew. I’m honored to be the recipient of your sharing, and await each post.
Oh Mathew, she loved you so very much. The connection she had with you was profound….in your mischievous, cultural and fun loving adventures and your deep, philosophical talks. Her feelings of closeness and love were ever present. I also remember Elise telling me when Maya was a little girl, that she saved all her money, in case you and Elise ever needed it. What child thinks like that? She was a rare gem, as you, Elise, Adin and Sasha are.
With love,
Jody