Dear Maya, Packed into a small bus, eleven use head for John F. Kennedy Airport from New Paltz, more bags than people, 1,000 books in tow for a new library in Nepal. Aged seven to somewhere north of sixty, we are on a mission of sorts. Your mission. Each of us brought together to do Read More…
Nepal
Dear Maya, In one week I will begin another journey, a venture to Nepal to begin your work there in earnest, to realize your dream. My intention is to bring your love to others. I will carry that love with me. I am the vessel bringing your spirit to a far away land. Will I Read More…
Walk With Me
You walk with me on this hard path, by my side, as I used to walk with you We are still together I take you with me as I venture forth, to the rally, to the concert, to the meeting, to the sandy paths by the river You are there I learn to feel Read More…
A Third Way
Dear Maya, I had a beautiful awakening this morning that I wanted to share with you. For so long I have been trying to find a way to be, without you here. To assuage the loss, manage the pain. I have been living in the absence of you, holding onto the memories and what Read More…
Two Maya’s
From across the ocean she calls me to come, do her work Maya Devi what shall I do with my feeble efforts I will do what I can, my best, only my true self will I bring to you It was your death that brought a new era long, long ago From close to Read More…
Woodstock
Dear Maya, These old haunts of ours, they are still charged for me. Browsing in the Himalayan store, hot chocolate at Bread Alone, udon at Yum Yum, chess upstairs at Joshua’s. It is strange how you still roam this little village with me. Today I walked Tinker Street with you in my heart. Missing Read More…
Seen
Ellen I knew the moment was coming, I felt it in my soul, I saw it in your eyes right away. Your words were so sweet, so deep, so resonant. You know, you know, what it is like. Your story, your loss, is profound, like mine; there we connected. You understood the futility of Read More…
Sandbox
Dear Maya, The dirt is fine and soft, still not packed down, still loose. As I ran my fingers through it I thought of many things, of course. I remembered the sandbox at Hasbrouck Park, the many afternoons spent there just being with you. Our routines. Pick Up from daycare, or a weekend morning Read More…
Year Two, Day One
Dear Maya, Another marker ticked off, this time a big one, my sweet girl. One year without you here by my side, one year without the silliness, the laughter, the challenges and struggles of watching you grow up. One year of trying to make sense of it all, in vain of course, of trying to Read More…
Clouds
Dear Maya, What makes an anniversary? For a while every moment was that moment again. Then it was the early morning sounds each day, the school bus passing, the birds chirping. Then every Friday was a marker. The 2nd of every month. Now the year looms like a heavy cloud. Fifty-two weeks. The next October 2nd. Read More…
The Rock
Dear Maya, You visited last night, you stood in the doorway, face red, eyes flushed. You wore a dress, how unusual, a denim jumper with a white shirt, with beautiful twin braids you looked at me. “I am so sorry” you mouthed silently, as if you knew now what you did not know then. I Read More…
Brief Candle
First, last, always, never I continue to try to label that which defies labeling I continue to try to understand that which defies understanding The mind fails me, the reason avoids my grasp You are sixteen today Would be sixteen today Would it be sweet Language fails, over and over again it fails My Read More…
Elements
Forest In the spot where you once played, I watch three bears wander by, a mother and two cubs You used to climb the vines there, and swing on them like a monkey, hopping through the woods as if a little sprite, so long ago, but also just yesterday Would mother bear mourn the Read More…
Williamstown
Dear Maya, It will be your birthday soon. Then October 2nd will come, inevitably it will come. These days loom large for me. What will they bring, I wonder? I am in the middle of a carefully planned trip, one intended to limit the reminders and triggers that are everywhere. And of course, there is Read More…
Burlington
Dear Maya, What is it about place that is so powerful? Each new place brings with it memories of what could have been; the loss of the future that never was, it is palpable. How can I lose what never happened? There is no distinction between past, present and future anymore. Time is compressed somehow. Read More…
Sweat
Dear Maya, In the heat you were present, with love and compassion, watching me You brought others along as guides, to help me along my path Those trusted friends, old and new, so dear to me You brought them from beyond, along with Buddha, Creator, Great One, Jesus, Yahweh and all the others In Read More…
Sunset
Dear Maya, I sit in this moment watching the sun set over the Catskills, the expansive view from Spring Farm before me. Slide, Peekamoose, Doubletop. I remember walking those mountains in another life, when everything seemed so simple, when everything made more sense to me. There was a sense of fun and joy then, Read More…
Rain
When you left I was so angry, so very angry, how could you do that That has faded, now there is only love for you When it rained on your grave I noticed the patterns in the dirt They meant something to me at the time, something profound When I sit beside you now Read More…
Danbury
Dear Maya, How is it that you broke me so fully, that who I was then is no longer, and who I am now is still unknown? Everything that I thought I needed, I no longer need. That which I took for granted, is now precious. What I never saw, I now see in Read More…
No Self
Dear Maya, I wanted to be close to you when I wrote to you, today of all days. “Close to you”. That is a strange idea now. Close to what is left of you? I wanted to tell you about me today, about my path, my work. You see Maya, you were so very with Read More…