Another marker arrives.  Four months.  There will always be “before” and “after”. October 2, 2015 is a marker of another life that came and went, and now a new life emerges, takes shape, but is still unknown.  I have only a glimpse of this new life, it is mostly still shrouded.  I cannot yet access it fully, but it is inhabited by strange and wonderful beings.

The man, how does he do it?  From where does he draw the strength, the compassion, the love and determination, to keep me afloat.  Another mystery for me to ponder, to accept, to just love as it is.  Without him, I would be lost, yet he thanks me.

The woman, like a warrior she is steadfast and true, always knowing, always she has hope and trust in the greater plan.  Once again, I am in awe. I cannot fully grasp this, how can this be, from where does this come?  I lean on her as never before, as I never dreamed I would need to.

The child becomes my guide, in her own mysterious way, she has broken me wide open, and leads me through this mysterious land of hope and despair, of love and anguish, of so much to be revealed yet.

The teacher, he tells me that Shalom is “not the opposite of war”, but rather wholeness, fullness, restoration.  Never has that word resonated for me so, the possibility of wholeness in the brokenness again, how to manifest that, how to stay on this side of the abyss, to repair what is broken, and still be broken too. Shalom.

Grandma’s House, May 2005

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