Today Elise and I went to a memorial at Rowe Camp in MA. Seventy five campers and staff showed up to remember Maya and share stories in the Chapel.The Chapel is a hundred year old stone building in Rowe, MA, used by the Rowe Camp for daily meetings in the summer. But it is more than a place. It is a verb.
Maya often told me stories of Rowe, and I enjoyed every time she got back from camp, hearing of her adventures, cherished friends, and new things she learned. From marathon games of ping-pong, to learning chess, to karaoke, and walking barefoot all day, she had many fun stories to tell. And then there was Chapel. No matter how many times I asked, she always said “It is a sacred space, it is all confidential, I cannot tell you about it.” And she never did. I had a sense that there was sharing, and honesty, and ritual, but nothing more than that. Today I sat in the Chapel (n.), and I experienced chapel (v.)
Of course, I cannot share what happened, but I can share my feelings of deep love for her friends, the staff and counselors, and how happy I was to hear about her summer life at Rowe. I always knew she loved it there, that was so obvious. Now I know more of why that was.
The Unicycle Period, New Paltz
Another interesting thing about the experience today was hearing so many stories about Maya that revealed different traits she had. Traits I loved. Traits like mine, like Elise’s, and some uniquely hers. She was truly a blending and a morphing of us both, and her own very strong willed person. I was remembering her strong will today, how I could never threaten her, as it would never work. If I told her to do A or I would take away B, she would just let me take B and never look back. What a strong will! In the end, it was that strong will…
Driving home I was thinking of when we first sent her off to Rowe. She was nine years old and already ready to leave home. It was her idea, she wanted to go, because of course, Adin was going, and she wanted to do whatever he did. She went for a one-week camp for the youngest campers, and never looked back. And she spread the gospel of Rowe to other kids here in New Paltz, to friends and her little “sister” too. Many went to Rowe because of Maya’s stories and love for the place.
Farmhouse Entry, Rowe Camp
I have my own history with Rowe. In my early twenties, in the middle of a divorce and a career change, pretty broke and sort of homeless, I found myself seeking direction and guidance at many weekend workshops at the Rowe Conference Center. I have such strong memories of my own time there in those workshops, in the kitchen doing barter, walking in the woods. And now I have vicarious memories of Adin’s time there, and Maya’s years at Rowe, cut too short.
As we drove away from Rowe, I wondered aloud, “Will I ever be back here?” I don’t know the answer to that. But it is not really important, as Rowe is within me, as it was with Maya, and I know too that Maya is within me always, and somehow that will have to be enough. Somehow, I don’t know how, I will have to accept and love all that I have of Maya still.
when you mention chapel, I see a canopy of green boughs, with the sound of the wind and birds. What better goal than to sow kindness… which Maya was so good at.
I, too, was there in chapel yesterday. I wish I knew you and Elise were there as I would have liked to meet you. My son Max Solomon-Frye attended Jr High camp with Maya last summer. He attended her memorial service in New Paltz and afterwards organized a weekend sleepover hang to bring together Rowe campers for grief support. We hosted about twelve youth at our home some who came from as far as a 4 hour drive away. Around a fire in the pit outside, Max organized “chapel” time. It was a humbling thing to see them support each other in the Rowe chapel tradition. We also attended another grief support/suicide prevention group for Rowe youth and parents in November in White Plains. I thank you and Elise for sharing publicly in a recent article about what you have pieced together regarding what led to Maya’s death. It has been so helpful in our understanding of how dangerous the over the counter drugs are. Wishing you peace and healing.