I have my favorite cafe near the hotel, where I go for coffee and breakfast every day. This morning with my coffee I sat and saw this chalkboard sign they had put up.  A sign, and a “sign”.  I am not sure if it was there every day or not, but I noticed it today for the first time.  Loosely translated in my grade 10 Espanol, it reads:

Love is all there is that makes the world go round, love and only love, this can not be denied . No matter what you think , you will not be able to do anything without it.

And of course, there you were, right with me, in my gut, the loss, the laughter, the smiles, the teasing me about Dylan, it all came back.  I don’t know the quote, I don’t think it is from lyrics, but it is right what I need, what I wish you knew. In the summer, when this trip was confirmed, we began to practice Spanish.  One day you said we should only talk Spanish all day.  We had fun doing it, making up words by adding an “o” to them, but mostly we were pretty good, me with my high school Spanish, you with your French-to-Spanish funky transliteration.  For a while we were even texting in Spanish.  I hate texting, but did it anyway because I could stay connected to you, just those little snippets of contact during the day meant so much to me.  I miss that so much.

Mexico City without you.  The first trip without you Maya.  Every spot brings “Maya would have  loved this” or “I wish Maya could see this.”  Sometimes it feels like too much, the weight.  And then I do smile.  I do smile, dear Maya, I thank you for that solace.  But each and every day I still long for your presence, and still try to make sense of it all, still to no avail.  But I am not giving up, Maya, I am not.

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