I wake up each day thinking of Maya, her sweet smile and her sense of humor. I go to sleep each night longing for her company, for the moody teenager who I always loved to hang out with in spite of it all. I try to wrap my mind around “gone”. I cannot process Read More…
I Wonder
I WONDER I wonder what it would be like to not expect you to come sauntering down the stairs each morning I wonder when I will stop peeking in your room each morning to check on you I wonder when will I look at photos of you and feel joy and gratitude as well Read More…
Poem for Day 80
HELD I was broken, and you held me Held my sorrow, my despair, my confusion, all of it My pain, my loss, my grief, my desire to understand You held me when I thought there was nothing left You held me when I was beyond knowing there could be another moment You held me Read More…
Present in the Absence
I found myself in Woodstock this morning, at shul with Elise, listening to Rabbi Aura’s beautiful recitation of the Torah, and of course feeling Maya’s presence deeply. I could envision Maya on the bema, reciting her d’var Torah just over a year ago. I could envision her in the sanctuary, listening intently to the Read More…
Maya Cake
Maya and I shared a love of cooking. I smile when I think of the times we spent together in the kitchen; those are such cherished memories. She especially loved crepes for her sleepover-with-friends mornings, and she invented some interesting combinations of fillings. Blueberry and peanut butter? She went through a phase of making green Read More…
I Am Your Father
Last night I saw Star Wars. It was a big day for a few reasons. My first time out to a movie since Maya’s death. My first attempt to navigate a crowd with so many people I know. And it was Star Wars, Episode VII, and it brought me right back to 1977, as I Read More…
I Have to Write
I have been thinking about this on and off for two weeks. Finally I am here. I am here because I am trusting my inner voice like never before. I have always had some self doubt and uncertainty, but somehow the sense that my body and soul know what to do, right now, is very clear to Read More…