The Rock

Dear Maya,

You visited last night, you stood in the doorway, face red, eyes flushed.
You wore a dress, how unusual, a denim jumper with a white shirt, with beautiful twin braids you looked at me.
“I am so sorry” you mouthed silently, as if you knew now what you did not know then. I looked back at you and smiled, felt your pain too, felt your regret.

This time it was easy to forgive, there is nothing but love in this moment.
Somehow that makes the burden lighter. Sometimes it is not so.
We looked at each other for a while, and then I woke to an empty doorway.

Did you know about the rock?
We dug up a rock from the forest where you once played, where you explored in the woods, walked silently in contemplation, barefoot of course.
That rock, it is now a headstone. For you. Your headstone, my child.

It will be carved and set soon.
There is no denying the rock.  It is not temporary; it is not soft or fleeting or ethereal.
It is a rock, that will sit above your remains.  Forever, forever.

Under your tears last night was that beautiful smile, that is what I remember most, hold on to, cherish.
Forever. Like the rock, that smile is forever.

Love you and miss you,



Awosting, 2009


3 thoughts on “The Rock

  1. I don’t believe that I am the only one who reads every one of your posts. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings, your thoughts, your questions. Sometimes they make me cry, sometimes they make me wonder. Every post makes me stop whatever else I am doing, reading, thinking about. Instead, I share your experience and make it part of my own. Instead, I feel the love you have for your daughter and share in that love.

  2. Mathew,
    I haven’t responded in a long time but I am very often thinking about you, Elise, Maya, and Adin. I witness your loving and work to grasp.
    A rock, like your love is forever.
    I am trying to make sense of this too.
    I appreciate your sharing.

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