Ten Questions

 

Ten questions that cannot be answered:

  1. Why, always the why?
  2. Is it ok to be happy again, to smile and laugh without you?
  3. Will I ever not be “the man whose daughter committed suicide?”
  4. How deep was your pain?
  5. Can I ever truly understand what happened?
  6. Is the path we have chosen the right path?
  7. Will the pain ever go away?
  8. How can I fully integrate this into my life?
  9. Did you know?
  10. Can I let go of all these questions and just love you?

 

Bat Mitzvah

Maya’s Bat Mitzvah, November 2014

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One thought on “Ten Questions

  1. Mathew- of course that picture resonates so strongly for me, my heart is there. I hear you. I hear and feel your questions. Some of the answers will come to you in time. Some already have.

    A long time ago I went through a very traumatic experience, not the same circumstances by any means, but one that tore me and my family apart in our cores. I remember not knowing if I could, or even should, ever smile and laugh again. Some friends had us over after Friday night services, me and my traumatized sons, on a warm summer night. We got in their above ground pool in the moonlight and started, by their suggestion, just walking the perimeter in a circle line. As we walked we created a current. Somehow, walking that current in the moonlight with good friends I smiled. What was that I was feeling? Oh, joy. Will you look at that, I thought, I can experience joy.

    I always recall this experience when a friend is visited by tragedy. It is so hard to remember we will ever experience joy again. But we will. And it is okay to let come.

    With love,
    Bonnie

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