So Many Questions, Still

Dear Maya,

Was that you the other day, the yellow bird tapping on the window all afternoon?  Was that you in the night sky, in the hazy moonlight twinkling through the trees?  Was that you in the fierce wind rattling the house all night long, forcing me to stop and notice?

Maya, I wonder so much about you these days. When will I see you again?  How can I  ever understand?  What lies before me?  So many questions, still.

And I try, oh I try so hard, to just be with it all.  To let the questions sit, unanswered.  To let the pain come and go.  To let the memories crash on me like the waves, and fade away, and return again.  I am doing the best I can, my sweet Maya, to honor your memory, to honor what you wanted to accomplish, and to someday feel some little bit of joy again.  I know you want that.  I know you wanted only peace, that is all, and that you did not see the fleeting nature of it all. Your mistake.  How could you know, really, how could you?

Maya, I wanted to share something with you, a commitment I am making to you.  A commitment to live fully and in your honor, to carry on your dream, to honor your values and short life with my own deeds.  That is all I can do now, my Maya.  I hope you can be here with me on this journey, to guide me, to help me find the light when it is dark, to help me always look forward, not back.  To help me remember what I already know, that there is only love now, only love.

Miss you always,

Dad

 

Party

With Friends, 2013

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2 thoughts on “So Many Questions, Still

  1. May the love that connects you both, Matthew, sooth and strengthen you both. You already know that the love link between you is eternal. That is certainly a gift, as is your awareness of it.
    L O V E……

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