What is it about place that is so powerful? Each new place brings with it memories of what could have been; the loss of the future that never was, it is palpable. How can I lose what never happened? There is no distinction between past, present and future anymore. Time is compressed somehow. Just what is.
As we ferried across Lake Champlain a wave flooded over me; we were here together only once, almost two years ago, one brief evening. A happy time together with family, a celebration, and now we arrive without you. I try with all my being to just be, and I hope for a moment of joy, but it is not to be so. “Maya should be here”, the voice says. “Maya would love this,” the refrain. It is maddening sometimes, Maya, that you are not here with us any longer.
A moment in time that says it all:
Elise: “It is good for us to get away.
”Mathew: “There is no away.”
Yet there is serendipity everywhere. From the first restaurant we came upon when looking for dinner, (Himalaya Restaurant), to the peace sign painted on the chimney overlooking us as we watched the sun set over the Adirondacks, to the wise words of the I Ching calligraphed on the wall, to the lovely young woman who reminds me of the person you were to become, to the simple persistence of life in the most unlikely places. Each of these remind me of you, resonate for me.
Last week we met with a young woman who works in Nepal, serving orphans. I commented that for her, there was no distinction between work and life. Her work is her life. She understood, she agreed. Such a simple and beautiful way to be. She never met you, but she was so moved by your spirit and your story, she began a project to make art with children in remote villages in Nepal. This was some time ago. Unbeknownst to us, she too was carrying out your vision in Nepal. You inspired her. For that I am grateful in the midst of it all. And I am inspired by our work, your work, to spread your love.
The sun has risen again, it is a new day. I am here. You are with me in your own new way. I love you still.