Viva la Vida

  My great fear about this visit to Mexico City was that I would feel the loss of Maya even stronger, knowing that she was planning to join us on this trip.  It is a low-key trip, mostly just teaching my class each afternoon  and hanging out at the pool during the day.  But we Read More…

Who Am I?

  It is an increasingly strange feeling being out in the world. For months we have not shopped much. Lately I have taken to shopping in Newburgh, for the anonymity.  Sometimes seeing people on the streets of New Paltz sends my heart racing.  Not that I have ever heard anything but love and kind words. Read More…

Shalom

  Another marker arrives.  Four months.  There will always be “before” and “after”. October 2, 2015 is a marker of another life that came and went, and now a new life emerges, takes shape, but is still unknown.  I have only a glimpse of this new life, it is mostly still shrouded.  I cannot yet Read More…

Toothbrush

  Every morning and night I see four toothbrushes in the bathroom cup.  Every morning and night I think about the “extra” toothbrush.  Maya’s toothbrush. How did a toothbrush become so laden with meaning?  It is a little thing, and not.  To remove it is to continue the process of removing Maya somehow.  Her tye-dye Read More…

Dear Maya

  Dear Maya, I need to say thank you to you.  Last night I was reading Elizabeth Lesser’s book, Broken Open.  I am really getting so much out of it, loving it if that is possible right now.  Anyway, last night I started a new section in which Lesser writes eloquently about “visitations” from people Read More…

Birthday Flight

  Maya was a saver.  She earned money babysitting for our neighbors, and saved all of it.  She saved her Bat Mitzvah money, her birthday money, any money she was gifted or earned she saved.  She had a local bank account but did all her banking online. She would often ask me to check her Read More…

Alchemy

  Learn the alchemy true human beings know. The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open. -Rumi Five AM.  It is dark outside, cold and windy.  I see the shadow of that tree in the moonlight, it’s presence unwavering, still and strong. Three months to the day, almost to the Read More…

The Five Things

  I am reading a book now,  Grieving Mindfully, which is completely resonating with me.  The author speaks of entering into the pain, as a way to experience it fully, and to heal.  The desire to run from it, to escape it, it is so strong, such a temptation now.  I know that is a Read More…